It’s a necessary evil, but I hate cleaning my house; LOATHE it. I will spend hours cleaning it and fifteen minutes later my kids have it destroyed again because for whatever reason I can train the dog to go get his ball, but I cannot train my kids to put their clothes in the dirty clothes hamper! I’m convinced people who say they enjoy cleaning their house are liars. I’m also convinced when I go to someone’s house that has kids and it is spotless that they just did a mad cleaning session prior to my arrival because that’s exactly what I do! Yesterday, my mother in law and her husband were in town and tried to get in touch with Babes, but he was busy making a living and couldn’t return their call. They decided to mosey on over to our house to take a gander at our newly remodeled kitchen and dining room. This is what people do in the backwoods. No doors are locked in fear of things being stolen so family members have the constant go ahead to just come on in. Normally, this is not a big deal, but considering I didn’t have those 15 minutes prior to their visit (because I too was at work) to make my mad cleaning sweep through house, my mind immediately rushed to the disaster that greeted them when they came in. I’m not talking a few dishes in the sink. I’m talking a stack of boxes leaned up against the wall that needed to be burned, two sinks full and one leaning tower of dirty dishes, a trail of dirty clothes (underwear included) because as previously noted my kids have forgotten where the dirty clothes bin is, food particles of what looked like was once corn on the dining table and last but not least a swarm of gnats that had taken up residence in said dirty dishes. Surprisingly enough, there wasn’t a stench...that I know of. Don’t judge, you know your kitchen has been in a complete state of disarray at one point too! This is why I have created the below list of things to do when guests decide to drop in or when you are just being plain lazy and want to fake a clean house!
1. Put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. Forget rinsing, that takes too long and you can chisel away any food particles that remain off later.
2. Wipe down counters. If you have antibacterial spray use it, if not, who cares! If the mess hasn’t caused any sort of airborne disease, then skipping the AB spray isn’t a crime and if a disease has occurred, you’re too late anyway.
3. If you have gnats, break out the bug spray.
4. Arrange that pile of bills and junk mail into a neat pile and then stash it in a cabinet. Just don’t forget about the bills if you intend on keeping your lights on.
5. Vacuum and sweep.
6. In the bathroom, stuff all dirty clothes in the closet. If you don’t have one stuff some in the washer and put the lid down and put the rest in the tub.
7. Close the shower curtain; VOILA tub’s clean!
8. Swab out the toilet.
9. Slide everything on the bathroom counter into a drawer or cabinet and wipe down the sink and counter.
10. Have the kids close their bedroom doors because there is no way that mess will take anything less than a hazmat suit and a couple of hours, neither of which you have.
11. Make the bed in the master bedroom and slide any clutter under the bed.
See, that was easy!